Once I arrived in the ICU with J.H. it was a whirlwind of activity to keep him stable. I knew I needed to get his parents in to see him as soon as possible but my focus was JH and keeping him stable. I’m sure it felt like an eternity to them, so as more providers kept coming in to examine or order more testing I held everyone off briefly so I could bring the parents in. The first time I met Carey and Jeff I could feel their pain. Every emotion they showed was exactly how I could imagine myself feeling if this were my son. I remember my first impression of them was just how kind they were. Despite being shocked, angry, scared and devastated by what had happened, they were also so thankful and appreciative that we were trying to save J.H.. After meeting them and learning a little bit about J.H. all I wanted to do was keep him stable and save him. I was so thankful that they had Jake’s friend Hannah, an ICU nurse, with them that day. I know the ICU environment is so overwhelming and families need help understanding it all. I knew Hannah was explaining everything we were doing and what was happening which let me be able to focus on J.H.. I knew Carey and Jeff were being taken care of and I wanted them to know I would take care of their son.. As the day went on, a few other family members and friends came in. What was so different about caring for JH was that I could feel how loved he was. I didn’t know anything about him, but I already knew I would have liked him. I witnessed the love and prayers and I believed he was going to pull through this. After I met Carey and Jeff I couldn’t stop thinking about how devastated they must be and how I would feel if I was in that situation. I knew I would not be able to leave the hospital and would want to be close to my son. Before I left I went to see them and wanted them to know that we were there to take care of them as well, and that we were going to do everything we could to bring him back.

After I left that first night I was off for a few days but the family was frequently on my mind. I checked in on JH and his condition and requested to take care of him when I returned over the weekend. When I returned on that Saturday morning I learned J.H. had been successfully removed from Ecmo but he still had not shown signs of appropriate neurologic function. I would be taking J.H. for an MRI to fully assess his brain. I was worried but still hopeful since he was so young. That day I got to meet many friends and family members who were at Jake’s bedside. The waiting room was crowded with friends and family. As they all visited I smiled listening to stories about him. I witnessed the love for JH and the whole H. family. I got to know Carey, Jeff and Luke a little better and it was evident how much they meant to each other. I was in awe of their strength during this time. They held onto their faith and remained hopeful that this nightmare would have a happy ending. This day turned out to be one of the hardest days of my career. The MRI report was devastating and showed no signs of any meaningful neurologic function. Having to deliver this news to Jake’s family was awful but it has put so many things in life in perspective for me.

After hearing the most devastating news imaginable, the family was distraught. I have lost many patients in my career and I try to separate myself emotionally. I do not like to cry with families because it is not about me or my feelings in those moments. This case was an exception. This was so personal and as a Mom I knew this loss was too painful and unfair. I will never forget Carey saying in that meeting “we have the perfect family, you can’t take that away.” It just made me realize how there are so many things we have no control over and your life can change in an instant. It could be me sitting in that chair having my perfect family forever changed. I wish nobody would have to suffer through that pain. What I do know is there is so much I learned from this family during Jake’s final hours that would make him proud.

It is very clear to me why there was such a presence of love and support for JH and the H family. Watching how kind and caring they were to others through their own pain speaks to their character and the kind of people they are. They were appropriately angry and distraught but Carey made sure the staff knew she was not angry at us but at the situation. I remember being mad at her for worrying about others but that is just one example of what makes her so special. I learned so much about my own faith that weekend. I believe in God but like many people forget to make it a priority in my life. I prayed with the Hescocks for a miracle, and when it didn't happen I prayed that they would find peace. Instead of being angry at God like many people do, Carey turned to God for support and guidance. She believed God would help her find the meaning in this tragedy. It is a lesson I will remember and share with my kids. I want them to know when things happen in life they should always know God is with them and believe he has a plan. I remember not being able to hold back the tears over that weekend. The H family let me cry with them and despite their pain would thank me for caring. I remember leaving the hospital on Saturday 12/10 after delivering heartbreaking news about JH. When I was leaving Luke chased me down before I got on the elevator and gave me a big hug and thanked me for everything. This was heartbreaking as there was nothing I felt he needed to thank me for, but so special to me at the same time. I was so impressed that this young man was thanking me for caring about JH and his family. This is an example of the kind of boys that Jeff and Carey have raised. The love Luke had for his brother and his parents was so special. As a parent I always worry if I am teaching my kids the right lessons to help them grow into strong, kind, good people. Carey and Jeff got it right and from what I witnessed it was easy to see how they were so proud of their boys.

I am honored that I was able to care for JH and meet this wonderful family. I will never forget December 11th and I know JH was surrounded by love in his final hours. I witnessed you alI showing him you were there and honoring him. I can only hope that this love I witnessed will help you all heal. I know there are no words that can ever ease the pain but I will never forget the lessons I learned about strength, kindness, faith and love. I promise to always remember what was shared with me about JH and honor him by passing on those lessons to others.